(Continued)

The proceeding seemed to be taking its sweet time, though. So as I waited, I gazed out at the guests. Right up front were all our nearest and dearest. There was Enrique’s mama from Panama, decked out in a lime green chiffon gown with matching broad-rimmed hat. She was absolutely beaming at the prospect of her baby boy finally settling down. As Chuck’s family had long since disowned him due to his perceived sin against God and Nature, his surrogates were there. There was my mother, Stella Celeste Kucharski Horowitz Fleischer Steinblum Fishbein Rosenberg, who had recently unofficially adopted Chuck as her honorary son, which made him, I guess, my honorary brother. Which was cool with me. Mom was casting an approving eye at my reclaimed Boca Babe appearance. I guess she figured my titty-baring getup would finally snag me a man to replace her late, unlamented son-in-law. Of course, she had failed to consider that I had no interest in a replacement, and even if I had, many of the guys at this gathering were batting for the other team.

Next to Mom sat her new squeeze, Leonard Goldblatt, whom she’d met on a cruise a couple months previously. Leonard was a former CIA agent, and as such I’d initially had my suspicions about his intentions toward Mom. But then I’d actually met him and my guarded apprehension turned to grudging appreciation. Yeah, okay, maybe I’d been guilty of premature evaluation. But admit it, wouldn’t you feel the same where your own mother’s vulnerable feelings, and fortune, were at stake? As it had turned out, Leonard was good for my mother.